1
00:00:00,809 --> 00:00:01,789
Hello, hello.

2
00:00:01,857 --> 00:00:02,806
Hey.

3
00:00:02,874 --> 00:00:04,770
And how is the
travel agency biz?

4
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,586
I won 7 games of solitaire.

5
00:00:07,654 --> 00:00:09,270
And I went on facebook
and reconnected

6
00:00:09,337 --> 00:00:10,432
With 6 people I hate.

7
00:00:10,499 --> 00:00:13,632
Only 6? I can connect
with people I hate

8
00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:16,649
Every day all day until
the messiah comes back,

9
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,889
Or two-tone shoes,
whatever comes first.

10
00:00:18,957 --> 00:00:20,462
So did you book
any travel?

11
00:00:20,529 --> 00:00:22,702
No, Eddie, we didn't.
We're in a recession.

12
00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:24,908
The only people traveling
are illegal aliens,

13
00:00:24,976 --> 00:00:26,780
And they rarely
go to resorts.

14
00:00:26,847 --> 00:00:28,618
Yeah, except to clean.

15
00:00:28,686 --> 00:00:30,623
Hey, you know who I
blame for all of this?

16
00:00:30,691 --> 00:00:31,992
No, Eddie.
Who do you blame?

17
00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:33,897
William Shatner.

18
00:00:33,964 --> 00:00:35,934
What did the sexiest man
alive ever do to you?

19
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:37,471
Well, if it
weren't for him,

20
00:00:37,539 --> 00:00:39,975
People would still be dumb enough
to use you to book their travel

21
00:00:40,043 --> 00:00:41,344
Instead of do it
on-line for free.

22
00:00:41,412 --> 00:00:42,581
Ok, come on. Back up.

23
00:00:42,648 --> 00:00:44,450
I'm still on William Shatner
as the sexiest man alive.

24
00:00:44,518 --> 00:00:45,685
Who's your number 2?

25
00:00:45,753 --> 00:00:49,257
It's tie between Dick
Cheney and Victor Garber.

26
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,096
I think we've
learned something today.

27
00:00:52,164 --> 00:00:54,100
Yes, we have. Why don't
we go to dinner?

28
00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:55,470
Ok. How about
middle eastern?

29
00:00:55,538 --> 00:00:57,708
No, because an hour after you
eat it, you're angry again.

30
00:00:57,776 --> 00:00:59,243
Heh. How
about indian?

31
00:00:59,311 --> 00:01:01,747
Indian sounds good. I'd love
me some indian right about now.

32
00:01:01,815 --> 00:01:02,915
Well, then you
should go sometime.

33
00:01:02,983 --> 00:01:03,817
I'm free tonight.

34
00:01:03,886 --> 00:01:05,855
Fantastic. Then why don't
you go tonight? Bye-bye.

35
00:01:05,922 --> 00:01:06,656
Eddie, I think
she wants...

36
00:01:06,724 --> 00:01:08,560
I know what she's doing.
Just walk.

37
00:01:13,733 --> 00:01:15,334
Morning.

38
00:01:15,402 --> 00:01:16,970
Good morning.

39
00:01:18,039 --> 00:01:19,473
Shouldn't you be
getting ready for work?

40
00:01:19,541 --> 00:01:20,575
Actually, I don't
have to go in today.

41
00:01:20,643 --> 00:01:23,178
They're fumigating
the school. Head lice.

42
00:01:23,246 --> 00:01:26,116
God bless the irish.

43
00:01:26,183 --> 00:01:28,318
You workin' on
your Hindenburg book?

44
00:01:28,386 --> 00:01:29,787
Well, I started to,

45
00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:32,457
And then I typed in
"blimp", and this

46
00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:35,127
Is where it led me.
Check that out.

47
00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:37,130
Oh, my God!
What is that?

48
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:40,367
Well, this is a woman in indiana
nicknamed "The Hindenboob".

49
00:01:40,435 --> 00:01:42,403
That's her
over the super bowl.

50
00:01:42,471 --> 00:01:43,471
That's awful.

51
00:01:43,539 --> 00:01:45,140
Yeah. You think
this is awful,

52
00:01:45,207 --> 00:01:48,310
You should type in "panama
canal" and see what that gets you.

53
00:01:49,078 --> 00:01:50,279
I don't have
time for that.

54
00:01:50,347 --> 00:01:51,347
I gotta get to work.

55
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:52,983
Oh, no, no, no!
I gotta go before you.

56
00:01:53,051 --> 00:01:54,819
Vindaloo chicken.
I'll be quick.

57
00:01:55,686 --> 00:01:56,887
No. No, no, no.

58
00:01:56,955 --> 00:02:00,158
When you hurry,
I'm mopping for days.

59
00:02:03,162 --> 00:02:05,865
"p-a-n-a-m-a..."

60
00:02:09,203 --> 00:02:12,172
<i>You know, you don't buy
indian food. You just rent it.</i>

61
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,575
I see what you did wrong.

62
00:02:14,642 --> 00:02:17,811
You forgot to put
the "c" in "canal".

63
00:02:22,985 --> 00:02:24,252
Morning, Joy.

64
00:02:27,824 --> 00:02:28,824
Beth?

65
00:02:28,892 --> 00:02:29,992
Yeah?

66
00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:34,430
Either I'm having the most
intense acid flashback,

67
00:02:34,498 --> 00:02:37,934
Or Eddie has
roofied me again.

68
00:02:38,002 --> 00:02:41,972
I'm seeing a sandwich shop
where our office should be.

69
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,007
Yeah, I know. After work,
they made some changes.

70
00:02:44,075 --> 00:02:46,777
I would have called you,
but you were out to dinner.

71
00:02:47,546 --> 00:02:50,081
Where's the travel agency?

72
00:02:50,148 --> 00:02:52,149
It's gone, and we're
out of a job.

73
00:02:52,217 --> 00:02:54,552
Oh, my God!

74
00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:57,422
Hey, you can fill out an
application if you'd like.

75
00:02:57,489 --> 00:02:58,723
That's what I'm doing.

76
00:02:58,791 --> 00:03:01,125
There's one spot left,
but good luck.

77
00:03:01,193 --> 00:03:02,760
I went to vassar.

78
00:03:02,828 --> 00:03:05,063
How's that gonna help
you get a job here?

79
00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:08,599
Oh, it's not, but I just
hooked up with Paco.

80
00:03:15,574 --> 00:03:17,509
- It's a sub shop?
- Yes.

81
00:03:17,576 --> 00:03:20,078
That's incredible. I'm
building a sandwich right now.

82
00:03:20,146 --> 00:03:21,846
Hey, hey. Do me a favor.

83
00:03:21,914 --> 00:03:25,550
Does the provolone go on top of
the salami or after the prosciutto?

84
00:03:25,618 --> 00:03:27,619
I don't think
you're grasping

85
00:03:27,687 --> 00:03:30,122
The enormity of the
situation here, Eddie.

86
00:03:30,189 --> 00:03:31,456
Sure I am, honey.

87
00:03:31,524 --> 00:03:33,925
If you get your meats in the
wrong place, it's anarchy,

88
00:03:33,993 --> 00:03:36,962
And you don't want anarchy in
a world with a unified germany.

89
00:03:38,765 --> 00:03:40,899
Forget I mentioned it.

90
00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:43,902
And the provolone goes
on top of the salami.

91
00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:45,971
Good work, Joy.

92
00:03:46,038 --> 00:03:47,839
All right,
I'll be back soon.

93
00:03:47,907 --> 00:03:48,840
I love you.

94
00:03:48,908 --> 00:03:50,275
Yeah. Ok.

95
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,161
I feel miserable.

96
00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:58,896
Oh, my poor baby.

97
00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:00,565
No, I don't...
I don't want sympathy.

98
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:01,967
I want medicine.

99
00:04:02,035 --> 00:04:06,137
Ok. Ok. There's Kim park's
holistic pharmacy and petting zoo,

100
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,105
But that's all the way
on the other side of town,

101
00:04:08,173 --> 00:04:09,606
But I can walk over there.

102
00:04:09,674 --> 00:04:11,775
No. Just...
I can't wait that long.

103
00:04:11,843 --> 00:04:13,143
Ask my father
for a ride.

104
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,578
He'll be happy
to take you.

105
00:04:14,646 --> 00:04:17,414
Yeah, but he won't be happy
to bring me back. He hates me.

106
00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:19,382
My father doesn't
hate you, Doug.

107
00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:20,951
That's just his way.

108
00:04:21,018 --> 00:04:22,552
Oh, he does too
hate me, Ally.

109
00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:25,489
Remember that time he drove me
to Trenton and then dropped me off

110
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:27,858
In the you-know-what section?

111
00:04:27,926 --> 00:04:30,627
What section
was that?

112
00:04:30,694 --> 00:04:33,363
Don't make me say it.
It's a slur.

113
00:04:34,198 --> 00:04:36,198
They live in tiny town.

114
00:04:36,266 --> 00:04:39,501
They rhyme with widgets.

115
00:04:39,568 --> 00:04:42,203
He was just showing you
how he feels everywhere.

116
00:04:42,270 --> 00:04:44,004
That was a cry for help.

117
00:04:44,072 --> 00:04:48,342
No, a cry for help is when those
little bastards were attacking me

118
00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:51,278
And I cried for help.
"just get off me."

119
00:04:51,346 --> 00:04:54,048
I mean, they don't
like our kind, Ally.

120
00:04:54,115 --> 00:04:56,883
They... they call us
"the big'uns."

121
00:04:56,951 --> 00:04:59,786
And I take that as a slur.

122
00:04:59,854 --> 00:05:00,920
Just go, ok?

123
00:05:00,988 --> 00:05:04,223
There are certain things
that I can't do for you

124
00:05:04,291 --> 00:05:06,158
Until my nose
is unstuffed.

125
00:05:08,228 --> 00:05:09,194
Gotcha.

126
00:05:09,262 --> 00:05:10,962
On my way.

127
00:05:12,665 --> 00:05:17,036
Eddie, I can't believe you could
just sit there and eat a sandwich.

128
00:05:17,104 --> 00:05:18,771
Our... our lives
are falling apart.

129
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:20,773
Honey, come on.
That's not true.

130
00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:22,708
Only your life
is falling apart.

131
00:05:22,776 --> 00:05:24,143
I still have my job,

132
00:05:24,211 --> 00:05:26,145
And, you know, you really
haven't brought in

133
00:05:26,212 --> 00:05:28,013
That much money this
past year, anyway, so...

134
00:05:28,081 --> 00:05:30,849
Are you saying I've brought nothing
to the table this entire time?

135
00:05:30,916 --> 00:05:32,817
No, I am not
saying that.

136
00:05:32,884 --> 00:05:34,986
You've brought pluck.

137
00:05:36,255 --> 00:05:37,288
Pluck?

138
00:05:37,355 --> 00:05:39,356
Yes. You're...
you're very plucky,

139
00:05:39,424 --> 00:05:41,491
And you're...
you're a good mother.

140
00:05:41,559 --> 00:05:43,927
Huh? You see
where I'm goin' here?

141
00:05:43,995 --> 00:05:45,329
Mother plucker?

142
00:05:45,396 --> 00:05:46,630
Yeah, that's it.
That's...

143
00:05:46,698 --> 00:05:48,700
That's good.
It's a good thing.

144
00:05:48,767 --> 00:05:51,302
You know what? You're not
making me feel any better, ok?

145
00:05:51,370 --> 00:05:53,938
All right, look. Honestly,
Joy, we are fine financially.

146
00:05:54,006 --> 00:05:56,173
I'm still teaching.
I'm writing that book.

147
00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:59,343
I got 2 jobs.
We don't even need you.

148
00:06:00,545 --> 00:06:01,845
What?

149
00:06:01,913 --> 00:06:05,148
What I'm saying is I think
this is a wonderful opportunity

150
00:06:05,216 --> 00:06:08,018
For you to become
a trophy wife for a while.

151
00:06:08,086 --> 00:06:09,920
Really?

152
00:06:09,987 --> 00:06:14,024
Absolutely. Not forever, because,
you know, after some time,

153
00:06:14,092 --> 00:06:16,827
You'll begin to sag and droop
and what was once a trophy

154
00:06:16,895 --> 00:06:18,895
Becomes a tragic reminder
of what used to be.

155
00:06:18,963 --> 00:06:23,231
You see? But you still got a lot
of tread on those tires, baby.

156
00:06:24,901 --> 00:06:25,834
Thanks.

157
00:06:25,901 --> 00:06:28,136
Eddie, I needed
to hear that.

158
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:33,809
Oh, hello, mother stark.
No work today?

159
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,012
Damn it, Doug!

160
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,416
I almost had her in the
boat, and you broke the line.

161
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:41,416
What did I say?

162
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,117
Never mind.
What do you want?

163
00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:46,650
Well, I was hoping that maybe
you could do me a favor.

164
00:06:46,718 --> 00:06:48,482
No.

165
00:06:48,549 --> 00:06:50,148
It's for Ally.

166
00:06:50,214 --> 00:06:51,345
Aw, God! My kryptonite.

167
00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:53,811
Okay, what is it?
What do you want?

168
00:06:53,879 --> 00:06:55,476
Well, she's got
a bad cold,

169
00:06:55,543 --> 00:06:58,175
And I need a ride
to go get her something

170
00:06:58,242 --> 00:06:59,374
At the homeopathic
pharmacy.

171
00:06:59,442 --> 00:07:01,273
Well, why don't
you just go down the...

172
00:07:01,341 --> 00:07:04,238
Wait a minute. Are you talking
about the place on the east side?

173
00:07:04,306 --> 00:07:05,905
Yeah, right next to the

174
00:07:05,973 --> 00:07:08,538
Naughty pine factory.

175
00:07:11,341 --> 00:07:12,608
Yeah.

176
00:07:12,676 --> 00:07:14,476
- The knotty pine factory?
- No. No, no.

177
00:07:14,544 --> 00:07:16,511
Naughty pine,

178
00:07:16,579 --> 00:07:19,412
As in, "you've been
a naughty boy,

179
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,583
And you've gotta
get a spanking".

180
00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:27,853
They make
hand-carved birds and,

181
00:07:27,921 --> 00:07:31,456
Uh, wooden marital aids.

182
00:07:31,524 --> 00:07:32,824
Oh, wait. Wait, wait.
I know this place.

183
00:07:32,892 --> 00:07:34,992
It's right next to a restaurant
where I like to go for lunch.

184
00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:36,026
Come on. Let's go!

185
00:07:36,094 --> 00:07:37,094
Really?
You don't mind?

186
00:07:37,162 --> 00:07:38,228
No. No, not at all.

187
00:07:38,296 --> 00:07:39,329
We'll grab a bite.

188
00:07:39,397 --> 00:07:40,697
Oh, thank you, sir.

189
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:43,532
Honey, listen. We're gonna
get out of here for a while.

190
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,734
I gotta take doug to
the homophobic pharmacy.

191
00:07:46,602 --> 00:07:48,236
Can you stop by
naughty pine

192
00:07:48,304 --> 00:07:50,440
And see if my
woodpecker's ready?

193
00:07:51,875 --> 00:07:53,209
I love you.

194
00:07:53,276 --> 00:07:55,110
Yeah. Ok.

195
00:08:04,503 --> 00:08:07,105
Sir, are you sure you
wanna eat at this strip club?

196
00:08:07,173 --> 00:08:09,440
Well, listen. I figure since
we're on our way to the drug store,

197
00:08:09,508 --> 00:08:12,509
Why not make a stop
at the jug store?

198
00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:16,178
Yeah, but my wife,
your daughter, is sick.

199
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,679
I need to get her
some medicine.

200
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,781
Relax, Doug. Women
are strong, you know.

201
00:08:19,848 --> 00:08:20,715
They... they crack
right open,

202
00:08:20,782 --> 00:08:22,550
And another person
shoots out of 'em.

203
00:08:22,617 --> 00:08:24,551
She'll be fine.
Don't worry about it.

204
00:08:24,618 --> 00:08:26,686
Just relax. Here. Look
at the menu, scruffy.

205
00:08:26,753 --> 00:08:27,720
All right, fine.

206
00:08:27,787 --> 00:08:29,188
Is the food any good?

207
00:08:29,255 --> 00:08:32,124
I don't know. I've only eaten
here about 30 or 40 times.

208
00:08:34,093 --> 00:08:36,327
Hi, guys.
What can I get you?

209
00:08:40,231 --> 00:08:42,532
We'll take
a pair of beers

210
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,334
And, an order of wings.

211
00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:46,868
Wait! Wait, wait,
wait. Hold on!

212
00:08:46,936 --> 00:08:48,436
Are you talking about
the wings from chickens?

213
00:08:48,504 --> 00:08:50,805
No, no, no, Doug.
They're angel wings.

214
00:08:50,873 --> 00:08:53,274
I'm sorry, sir. I just
have to ask a few questions.

215
00:08:53,342 --> 00:08:56,343
Wellesley, what kind of
lives did these chickens have

216
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,078
Before they
were slaughtered?

217
00:08:58,146 --> 00:09:00,180
Ok, listen. Those chickens
weren't slaughtered.

218
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,849
Their wings were
just ripped off.

219
00:09:03,984 --> 00:09:05,851
Ok, now they're still
walking around.

220
00:09:05,919 --> 00:09:07,719
Only, now they get
disability checks

221
00:09:07,787 --> 00:09:10,555
And a crazy story to
tell their friends, ok?

222
00:09:10,622 --> 00:09:12,023
So everybody wins,
all right?

223
00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:13,557
We'll take
the beer and wings,

224
00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:15,892
And walk away before he
starts talkin' again, please.

225
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,227
Got it.

226
00:09:18,028 --> 00:09:19,062
I don't understand, sir.

227
00:09:19,129 --> 00:09:20,996
Why do you come
here all the time

228
00:09:21,064 --> 00:09:23,331
If you obviously
don't care about the food?

229
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,502
Let me make it
clear for you.

230
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,237
Sarah Lawrence,
can we...

231
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:34,204
Get, some water,
please?

232
00:09:39,276 --> 00:09:41,245
Clear?

233
00:09:41,313 --> 00:09:43,515
Abundantly.

234
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:51,954
Hey, babe.
How you feelin'?

235
00:09:52,222 --> 00:09:54,822
Bad. I can't wait
for Doug to get back.

236
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:56,691
I feel that way
about your father

237
00:09:56,759 --> 00:09:58,994
When I send him out
for vodka.

238
00:10:00,062 --> 00:10:01,428
What's that?

239
00:10:01,496 --> 00:10:04,631
Uh, it's a Russian
liquor made from potatoes.

240
00:10:04,698 --> 00:10:06,199
I'm going to hit you.

241
00:10:06,267 --> 00:10:08,069
I'm sure you are.
Listen, uh, sweetie,

242
00:10:08,137 --> 00:10:09,737
This always works
when you're sick.

243
00:10:09,805 --> 00:10:12,406
You take a little swig
of this every 15 minutes,

244
00:10:12,474 --> 00:10:13,574
And you'll feel better.

245
00:10:13,641 --> 00:10:15,842
Mom, that stuff
is 40% alcohol.

246
00:10:15,910 --> 00:10:17,878
I said
you'll feel better.

247
00:10:19,581 --> 00:10:20,914
I repeat, what is that?

248
00:10:20,982 --> 00:10:22,949
Oh, this is my resume.

249
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:25,384
Oh, it's a good start.

250
00:10:25,451 --> 00:10:27,650
I'm finished.

251
00:10:27,718 --> 00:10:29,019
Looks pretty good.

252
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,289
You've got 6 years
as a baby sitter.

253
00:10:32,357 --> 00:10:34,291
That was
in high school.

254
00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:38,494
Ok. And the only thing other than
that on here is the travel agency.

255
00:10:38,561 --> 00:10:40,330
What did you do
in between?

256
00:10:40,398 --> 00:10:42,332
The navy.

257
00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:46,702
Ally, it's a joke.

258
00:10:46,770 --> 00:10:47,603
Yeah, I know. Sorry.

259
00:10:47,671 --> 00:10:51,239
The whole "my mother's a whore"
joke went right over my head.

260
00:10:52,441 --> 00:10:54,108
Let's see!
It says here

261
00:10:54,176 --> 00:10:55,610
That you speak
a foreign language.

262
00:10:55,677 --> 00:10:57,511
Oh, I do!
Here. Listen.

263
00:10:57,579 --> 00:10:58,579
Hello, guvner.

264
00:10:58,646 --> 00:11:01,381
Would you like some
tea and crumpets?

265
00:11:06,019 --> 00:11:09,120
English is not
a foreign language.

266
00:11:09,922 --> 00:11:11,022
Okay, all right.

267
00:11:11,089 --> 00:11:13,824
I know. I know it's
not much of a resume.

268
00:11:13,892 --> 00:11:16,593
I'm still hoping I can charm
my way in somewhere.

269
00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:18,494
You know, it's
a little bit daunting

270
00:11:18,562 --> 00:11:21,764
Looking for a new line of
work at this point in my life.

271
00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:25,934
I feel like I'm the only girl
left at the bar at closing time.

272
00:11:27,237 --> 00:11:29,370
Isn't that
how you met dad?

273
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:32,407
Twice.

274
00:11:33,409 --> 00:11:35,643
Hey, how are you
on the computer?

275
00:11:35,711 --> 00:11:39,546
Well, we only did it
on the computer once.

276
00:11:40,114 --> 00:11:41,815
We tried to do it
a second time.

277
00:11:41,882 --> 00:11:44,085
I couldn't get him
to reboot.

278
00:11:45,421 --> 00:11:47,656
I'm trying to help you.

279
00:11:47,724 --> 00:11:49,424
Computer skills
are important.

280
00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:51,560
You know what's more
important than computer skills?

281
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,895
People skills.
I have people skills.

282
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:54,997
Yeah. You're right.

283
00:11:55,064 --> 00:11:57,298
You are going
to be just fine.

284
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:59,467
Anywhere would be
lucky to have you.

285
00:11:59,535 --> 00:12:00,535
Oh, you're sweet.

286
00:12:00,602 --> 00:12:01,868
I take after you.

287
00:12:01,936 --> 00:12:02,869
I love you.

288
00:12:02,937 --> 00:12:04,670
Yeah. Ok.

289
00:12:08,505 --> 00:12:10,937
So, feelin' better,
huh, babe?

290
00:12:11,005 --> 00:12:12,872
Yeah. Lot better.

291
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:15,308
That's
my little girl.

292
00:12:15,376 --> 00:12:16,976
How's my big girl, huh?

293
00:12:17,044 --> 00:12:19,712
Is she gettin' ready
for her job hunt?

294
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,880
Yes, Eddie,
and I am so excited.

295
00:12:21,948 --> 00:12:24,750
There's a world of
possibilities out there for me.

296
00:12:24,817 --> 00:12:27,619
Yeah, and they're
all bad.

297
00:12:27,686 --> 00:12:29,320
Vertical integration
has resulted

298
00:12:29,388 --> 00:12:32,056
In what I like
to call "corpthink."

299
00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:33,723
Oh, God!
Not corpthink again.

300
00:12:33,791 --> 00:12:37,393
Yeah. I know you all think this is
some pynchonion, paranoid fantasy,

301
00:12:37,461 --> 00:12:39,428
But it's happenin',
ally, all right?

302
00:12:39,496 --> 00:12:43,565
Before you know it, Bill Gates is
gonna be runnin' the entire world.

303
00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:45,967
Not me.
It's not gonna get me.

304
00:12:46,035 --> 00:12:49,670
Yeah. I have a feeling you're
not on Bill Gates' radar.

305
00:12:49,738 --> 00:12:51,739
You know what?
You know what's funny?

306
00:12:51,806 --> 00:12:53,640
I think Bill Gates
has radar.

307
00:12:53,708 --> 00:12:55,475
I don't even think
he's a human being.

308
00:12:55,543 --> 00:12:57,843
I think he's a cyborg,
and they just made him

309
00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,511
Look like a sock puppet
with glasses

310
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,446
So that he won't
seem threatening.

311
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:03,715
I love Bill Gates.

312
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:04,849
Me, too.

313
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:07,751
I'd let him have
his way with me...

314
00:13:08,953 --> 00:13:10,754
And then
I'd make him pay.

315
00:13:11,989 --> 00:13:13,923
See, that's 'cause you all
worship money. I don't.

316
00:13:13,991 --> 00:13:15,724
Yeah, that's because
you don't have any.

317
00:13:15,792 --> 00:13:18,126
The both of you, you're
like 2 little naked birds

318
00:13:18,194 --> 00:13:19,694
Sittin' in a nest.
"feed me".

319
00:13:26,634 --> 00:13:29,769
Yeah, you two should
thank your lucky stars

320
00:13:29,837 --> 00:13:31,637
You got Eddie
two-jobs here.

321
00:13:32,205 --> 00:13:33,672
Hey, I like that.

322
00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:35,040
Eddie two-jobs.

323
00:13:35,108 --> 00:13:38,142
I'm like the most responsible
italian in the world.

324
00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:41,545
Hey, listen, I can't
whack you right now.

325
00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,381
Why? I got 2 jobs.

326
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,954
Why don't you
act like a man

327
00:13:53,022 --> 00:13:55,790
Instead of some
Hollywood-type of mamaluke

328
00:13:55,858 --> 00:13:57,792
Who cries like a woman?

329
00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:12,170
Pretty soon we're
gonna be a 3-job family,

330
00:14:12,237 --> 00:14:13,704
'cause I'm gonna go out
and get myself hired.

331
00:14:13,772 --> 00:14:15,940
There you go. You see that?
That's confidence.

332
00:14:16,007 --> 00:14:17,875
And I'm full of it.

333
00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:22,110
Got my resume.
I'm lookin' damn good.

334
00:14:22,678 --> 00:14:24,712
It's gonna be
a piece of cake.

335
00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:28,350
Cheers.

336
00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:30,785
Seinfeld.

337
00:14:36,014 --> 00:14:37,247
Hey, honey!

338
00:14:37,515 --> 00:14:38,715
How was the job search?

339
00:14:38,783 --> 00:14:39,882
There are
no jobs, Eddie.

340
00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:42,084
There is no
nothing anymore.

341
00:14:42,152 --> 00:14:44,119
The economy
is a disaster.

342
00:14:44,186 --> 00:14:46,754
The end is near.
On the way home,

343
00:14:46,822 --> 00:14:49,322
I saw the 4 horsemen
of the apocalypse.

344
00:14:49,390 --> 00:14:51,058
They're looking
for work, too.

345
00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,692
Their horses
are very skinny.

346
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,861
And then you know
who I saw?

347
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,463
I saw death.
Death is near death.

348
00:14:58,465 --> 00:14:59,831
It's hopeless.

349
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,900
Come on, now, Joy.
It's not that bad.

350
00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:04,368
No, it is bad.
It is bad, Eddie, ok?

351
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,270
I got turned down
everywhere I went.

352
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:08,172
I got turned down
as a manicurist,

353
00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:11,541
Largely because Richard
Nixon bailed on Vietnam.

354
00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:15,044
I got turned down at
a hair extension kiosk,

355
00:15:15,112 --> 00:15:18,180
And I've got fantastic
hair that looks fake.

356
00:15:18,248 --> 00:15:19,415
Shall I go on?

357
00:15:19,482 --> 00:15:21,650
Yes. I'm kind of
enjoying this.

358
00:15:21,718 --> 00:15:23,151
Ok, here we go.

359
00:15:23,219 --> 00:15:26,821
I couldn't get a job as a test
subject for bladder medication.

360
00:15:26,889 --> 00:15:28,355
I couldn't get a job

361
00:15:28,423 --> 00:15:33,359
Expressing canine anal
glands at a veterinarian.

362
00:15:33,427 --> 00:15:34,794
I went to google,

363
00:15:34,862 --> 00:15:37,196
And they said
keep searching.

364
00:15:38,398 --> 00:15:41,099
However, however, I did
then get hired finally.

365
00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:43,368
I got a job
as a wine taster,

366
00:15:43,435 --> 00:15:46,837
But they fired me because I
wouldn't spit, I swallowed.

367
00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:51,407
Well, old habits die hard.

368
00:15:54,144 --> 00:15:56,812
All right, well, that was...
That was my day.

369
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,780
How was your day, dear?

370
00:15:58,848 --> 00:16:01,783
Well, I went
to ample d's...

371
00:16:01,851 --> 00:16:03,785
The breastaurant.

372
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,086
It was great.

373
00:16:06,154 --> 00:16:09,089
Glad I could count
on you for support.

374
00:16:09,157 --> 00:16:11,257
Right. You know, now
that you mention it,

375
00:16:11,325 --> 00:16:13,493
Why do you go
to ample d's?

376
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,861
The reason I go
to ample d's

377
00:16:15,929 --> 00:16:18,096
Is because it's a refuge.

378
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:19,964
It's a sanctuary.

379
00:16:20,032 --> 00:16:23,567
It's a big knocker zoo.

380
00:16:24,869 --> 00:16:28,705
Haven't I been providing
that for you for 23 years?

381
00:16:28,773 --> 00:16:30,339
Yes, you see, but...

382
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:33,008
Your breasts are
attached to you.

383
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:36,110
Now, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.

384
00:16:36,178 --> 00:16:38,679
Now, I love them,
and I love you,

385
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:42,449
But sometimes it's fun
to just go see some...

386
00:16:42,517 --> 00:16:46,285
Fresh cleavage pointing down
at a plate of jalapeno poppers.

387
00:16:48,086 --> 00:16:49,654
Hold on.
Back up, ok?

388
00:16:49,721 --> 00:16:51,924
Did you just say
that you love me?

389
00:16:51,991 --> 00:16:53,825
Yes. Of course.
I love you.

390
00:16:53,893 --> 00:16:55,893
- Finally! - What are
you talking about?

391
00:16:55,961 --> 00:16:59,229
I have been fishing for an
"I love you" for 3 days now,

392
00:16:59,296 --> 00:17:01,297
And all you give me
is "yeah, ok".

393
00:17:01,365 --> 00:17:02,899
Yeah, but see, "yeah, ok".

394
00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:04,967
Is Eddie speak
for "I love you".

395
00:17:05,035 --> 00:17:06,368
It's code.

396
00:17:06,436 --> 00:17:10,236
It's like when I push
on the back of your head.

397
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,508
It's just nice to hear the
words now and again, you know.

398
00:17:16,576 --> 00:17:19,778
Baby, I love you.

399
00:17:21,213 --> 00:17:22,847
I love you, too.

400
00:17:25,483 --> 00:17:27,851
So, do you need
anything from the store?

401
00:17:28,419 --> 00:17:30,419
No. I'm good.

402
00:17:36,058 --> 00:17:37,125
Are... are you sure?

403
00:17:37,192 --> 00:17:39,760
Because I can get you
any... anything you need.

404
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:43,730
No. I mean, like, I don't want
you to have to walk all over town.

405
00:17:43,798 --> 00:17:47,100
No, that's ok, because,
your dad'll give me a ride.

406
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,201
You actually wanna
spend time with my father?

407
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:52,170
Oh, he's a...
a fascinating man.

408
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,807
He... keeps abreast...

409
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:58,575
Of current events.

410
00:18:01,345 --> 00:18:03,680
Ok. Well, I mean,
the only thing that I could use

411
00:18:03,747 --> 00:18:05,348
Is something you're
not gonna wanna get.

412
00:18:05,415 --> 00:18:07,283
Tampons... easy
glide, heavy flow?

413
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:08,450
Yeah.

414
00:18:08,518 --> 00:18:10,118
Comin' right up.

415
00:18:13,522 --> 00:18:15,055
So, you gonna order
something this time?

416
00:18:15,123 --> 00:18:17,990
No, sir. I'm strictly here
for the healing purposes

417
00:18:18,058 --> 00:18:20,663
Of the water-pouring
ceremony.

418
00:18:20,931 --> 00:18:22,998
Oh, boy, I hope
they hurry up.

419
00:18:23,066 --> 00:18:26,967
I really gotta go to the bathroom,
but I don't wanna miss a drop.

420
00:18:29,937 --> 00:18:32,105
Ok, I'm gonna go
with the...

421
00:18:32,172 --> 00:18:35,807
Hamela Anderson
sandwich and a beer.

422
00:18:36,609 --> 00:18:38,143
Hello, Joy.

423
00:18:49,821 --> 00:18:51,121
I got a job.

424
00:18:51,189 --> 00:18:52,522
Yeah.

425
00:18:54,358 --> 00:18:55,591
So I see.

426
00:18:55,659 --> 00:18:57,893
You know, it's the
crazy thing, too.

427
00:18:57,961 --> 00:19:00,662
They didn't even
look at my resume.

428
00:19:02,398 --> 00:19:06,033
Believe me, they looked
at both of 'em.

429
00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:08,702
Here, Doug. Let me
pour you some water.

430
00:19:08,770 --> 00:19:10,805
No. No, no, no!

431
00:19:11,873 --> 00:19:15,975
I... really need to go
get some tampons.

432
00:19:17,977 --> 00:19:19,644
I'm not even gonna ask.

433
00:19:19,712 --> 00:19:21,713
Well, I have to
hand it to you, Joy.

434
00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:24,281
Only you can
ruin ample d's.

435
00:19:25,516 --> 00:19:26,849
Well, look at the
bright side, Eddie.

436
00:19:26,917 --> 00:19:28,885
I mean, when's the last
time you had a shot

437
00:19:28,953 --> 00:19:31,287
At going home with a
waitress from ample d's?

438
00:19:31,354 --> 00:19:32,422
You know what?
You're right.

439
00:19:32,489 --> 00:19:34,690
Congratulations
to both of us.

440
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:36,992
Or, all 4 of us,
actually.

441
00:19:37,059 --> 00:19:40,428
Listen, Eddie, I think that
this is a good job for me.

442
00:19:40,495 --> 00:19:43,564
I have the perfect combination
of high and low self-esteem

443
00:19:43,632 --> 00:19:45,733
To make a killing
in this place.

444
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:46,934
Excuse me, Devry.

445
00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:48,803
Stop fraternizing
with the customers.

446
00:19:48,870 --> 00:19:50,438
And hoist up your girls.

447
00:19:50,505 --> 00:19:53,307
Let's act like we care!

448
00:19:53,375 --> 00:19:55,176
My God, what the hell
are you doing here?

449
00:19:55,244 --> 00:19:57,278
I thought you were
workin' at the sub shop.

450
00:19:57,346 --> 00:19:59,246
They said I was bad
with the customers.

451
00:19:59,314 --> 00:20:02,082
Yeah. You know, I see you over
there. You can stop waving.

452
00:20:02,150 --> 00:20:03,650
We're not in
a damn parade.

453
00:20:03,718 --> 00:20:06,386
All right, go ahead.
Get a look.

454
00:20:06,454 --> 00:20:08,188
Stop pretending like you're
watching the game.

455
00:20:08,256 --> 00:20:10,556
Just look at 'em.
Look at 'em.

456
00:20:12,791 --> 00:20:15,322
You pathetic losers.

457
00:20:16,157 --> 00:20:17,557
You know,
you might wanna

458
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:19,559
Ice those puppies up
a little.

459
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:22,028
Well, it's nice to
see that everybody

460
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,663
From the travel agency
landed on their feet,

461
00:20:24,731 --> 00:20:26,632
And when I say,
"feet," I mean...

462
00:20:26,699 --> 00:20:28,433
I know what you mean.

463
00:20:28,901 --> 00:20:30,234
I'm happy for you,
Joy-Joy.

464
00:20:30,502 --> 00:20:32,703
- I love you.
- Yeah, ok.

465
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,408
Hey. How was work?

466
00:20:38,476 --> 00:20:39,843
I got fired.

467
00:20:39,911 --> 00:20:41,611
What? What happened?

468
00:20:41,679 --> 00:20:43,546
They switched to
the summer uniforms.

469
00:20:43,614 --> 00:20:44,747
So what's the problem?

470
00:20:44,815 --> 00:20:45,981
I don't wanna
talk about it.

471
00:20:46,049 --> 00:20:47,149
Are the summer
uniforms sleeveless?

472
00:20:47,217 --> 00:20:49,785
I said I don't
wanna talk about it!

473
00:20:54,622 --> 00:20:56,390
Wellesley,

474
00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:58,926
what kind
of chickens...

475
00:21:00,461 --> 00:21:03,029
Sorry. My bad.

476
00:21:05,966 --> 00:21:08,434
They're so beautiful.

477
00:21:08,502 --> 00:21:09,936
I'm sorry.

478
00:21:10,003 --> 00:21:12,571
All right.
Let me see.

479
00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:15,740
I'm gonna go
with the...

480
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:29,000
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